I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
