Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
