It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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