It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
