You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
