You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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