My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize