I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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