walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize