Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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