Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
