There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
