If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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