but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
