Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
