Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
