We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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