Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
