margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
