Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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