so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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