were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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