What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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