I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
