I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
