4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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