Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
