3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
