dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm both gender and math confused
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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