I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
