i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
