I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
