When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
