ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
