turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
