if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
