Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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