never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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