So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
