do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
