She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
