my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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