how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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