So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
