Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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