Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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