apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize