Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
tell me about the eggs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize