Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
