i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
