Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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