and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
