how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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