My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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