last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
