Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
this is an emotional support booty call
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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