I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
