Im at strip club and am horny
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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