Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
