I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Bring me that man meat
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
