I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
