I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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