k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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