I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize