'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
