i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
