This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
