how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
