Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
