Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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