Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
