How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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